Before I start, I realise I have not written a blog for over a year now. I am sure one blog a year is not the key to a successful blog, so maybe I ought to up my game a bit! Anyway, here I am on a very rainy Tuesday morning in September. Since I last wrote I made the life changing decision to leave behind the relative security and comfort of the known (in the form of my job in education) and step into the world of the unknown as a full time yoga and meditation teacher. And a part time blog writer it seems!
Back in February, I was driving to my old job and started to feel myself heading into a state of panic. I had handed my notice in, but the closer it got to leaving the more real and daunting the realisation of going it alone became. My thoughts around impostor syndrome where overwhelming, thoughts of not making enough money to live, the pressure I may add onto the family, what if people just don't want to come to yoga etc etc etc. The more I followed my catastophising thoughts, the less I could breathe. I called my husband and said "I am panicking, I need you to talk to me!" And he said "If I were you Claire, I would be panicking if I wasn't leaving!" This was all I needed to hear, it helped me come back to why I wanted to leave and not what would happen when I do leave? Sometimes we can get stuck in the comfort of the known, even if it causes us suffering or does not match or align with what we love. Sometimes we prefer to stay with the comfort of the uncomfortable, rather than reach out and head into the unknown with many new possibilities. Sometimes we get in our own way.
I suppose it comes as no surprise that yoga and meditation helped me to get out of my own way, so that I could start to live my purpose and create a life that works for me and my family. What I have come to learn is that we often live in the past; without realising we respond to situations, people and life events in a way that is familiar. The neurons that fire together wire together, so if we have a sense of fear around the unknown, this is because we have had this response before and the body /mind remembers and responds in the same way. Therefore we often try to create a new life, new habits, new relationships but with a body/mind that is stuck in the past. So when we change the relationship, the job, the house, the holiday and we still feel the same, respond in the same way, make the same mistakes, it's because we are the same. As Thich Nhat Hahn says "the way out is in", so once we realise that in order to make significant, long lasting change in our lives, to live a life that works for us, we need to stop looking out, we need to look in.
“ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results” – Albert Einstein"
The first time someone lies on their yoga mat, and I prompt to "close down your eyes if it is comfortable" and "let the body give into the floor", it can feel so very alien. Their whole system is geared up for fight, flight or freeze. The sympathetic nervous system is well and truely engaged, their body is riding the waves of stress hormones, their lungs and heart are under additional stress, their digestive system, reproductive system and immune system are all down regulated (because we don't need any of these systems when we are just about to get eaten). However, of course in our lives today, our stress is chronic, daily and there can be little let up. Threat comes at us now in the form of an email, a colleague, a text message from school, children's parties, social media, 24 hour news, constant demands on your time, energy and body. And here I am asking you to lie down, close your eyes and relax! However, just as the body and mind have become 'addicted' to this level of stress, the body and mind can equally become 'addicted' to feelings of calm, balance and homeostasis.
As we start to settle at the beginning of a class, as we start to learn to breathe again, the bodies parasympathetic nervous system is engaged. This is often called 'rest and digest' in yoga classes, because it is in this state that the bodies digestive system can work again (which is why your stomach might make noises when you lie down in yoga - so don't be embarrassed, just know then that it is working!). Your immune system is no longer supressed, your heart and lungs can work efficiently and your whole body starts to come back into balance. Studies have even shown that meditation can affect our gene expression resulting in a reduction in diseases.
The potential threat can be from our own mind. We can be plagued by thoughts of future events, future what ifs, or even thoughts about other people's what ifs. We respond to these future thoughts, with emotions of the past. Our body has no idea where it is in time and space, it is responding purely to the messages sent via the brain. And so by bringing our mind's focus onto something in the present moment like our body, our mind, our breath, our environment, we can begin to refocus, and retrain the mind to come back to what is rather than what if . We start to become more aware of our body, aware of our emotions, our thoughts, our responses. We start to understand where they come from and we start to release old past habits, and start to live from a new present reality.
And so the next time you find yourself on a yoga mat, and the teacher asks you to take your time to settle, they are getting you ready for a whole new version of yourself. Strap yourself in, who knows where it will take you, maybe just maybe into the wonderful world of the unknown.
That's why it feels so good.
From my heart to yours
Namaste
Claire xx
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